


Loud and Quiet

by nevereverever



Series: Three Thirds Make A Whole [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Gun Violence, Hospitals, Most of the characters are in the background, Multi, it's mostly about Eliza and Alexander, this is sad y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7607356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevereverever/pseuds/nevereverever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crisis changes you. Loud when you once were restrained, silent when you once were nonstop.</p><p>aka</p><p>I needed to write something sad and I can't help myself kay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! I'm a sucker for some angst and this is no exception. It's really sad and includes gun violence, hospitals, sad people, and panic/dissociation. If that doesn't sound like something you want to put yourself through, maybe don't read this!  
> Stay safe buddies.

Alex was always loud and brash. A flirt, Eliza would tease. He talked all the time. He wrote as much as he could, as fast as he could. Never stopping, not once, because his word was what saved him. Eliza fell in love with his words, every sentence carefully crafted, he built worlds for her with every page. Only John could ever seem to get him to slow down, if only for a moment.

Eliza was never timid, but most certainly the quietest of her sisters. Angelica came on strong, Peggy was always one to speak her mind, even if it took time to get to know her. But Eliza was always reserved, her words gained power, packed a punch. Alex filled her quiet with his constant motion, but John let her thoughts flow freely, dance through the air in shimmering stanzas.

It was a Wednesday. The morning was as usual. Alex went to work as soon as he pried himself out from under Eliza and John, giving each of them a quick peck on the cheek. He was always up before the sun rose, eager, composing thoughts and ideas before he even broke the silence of the night.

Eliza woke up quickly afterward, humming and making the coffee with a smile on her lips. 

“Alex, will you make sure to eat today?” She pressed his briefcase into his hands, concern only slightly dimming the joy behind her eyes. 

“Of course,” he mumbled distractedly. He frantically patted his pockets in search of-

“Your keys!” John called from the hallway, emerging with rumpled hair and tired eyes. He pulled Alex into a hug and tucked the keys into his hand. John pressed a kiss to Alexander’s lips, his eyes shining. He let out an exaggerated sigh. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Love you!” Alex called after him.

“Love you too.” John said, poking his head back into the living room. Before he even had time to disappear back into the bedroom, Alex was out the door with a kiss to Eliza’s forehead and a see you later for good measure. 

Eliza left in much the same way. After her coffee, she sped off. Kisses and ‘I love you’s’ exchanged. See you later. No goodbye. Eliza reminded John to feed himself. To get water. Straightened his tie, and left.

Just like the morning, the day was like any other. Alex was tied up in meetings, being the Treasury Secretary wasn’t easy, and Eliza had the kids at the shelter. Alexander never bothered to check his phone. It was off, it was on his desk. 

He was in a meeting with Jefferson and Washington. They were fighting about something, something inconsequential, and Washington was barely tolerating it.

“Secretary Hamilton?” An intern burst into the meeting with a look of pure fear in her eyes.

“What?” Alex shot a look back at her, a leave me alone type of look, an I’m fighting with Jefferson right now type of look. She didn't leave though, whatever had scared her also gave her some sort of determination.

“It’s Mr. Laurens. He’s. He’s in the hospital. There’s a car for you.” Alexander didn’t hear the whole sentence. Mr. Laurens. Mr. Laurens and the color drained from his face. The world blurred. President Washington put a hand on his arm and ushered him out the door, but he didn’t feel anything. Didn't say anything.

Eliza payed more attention to her phone. She checked it throughout the day because, hey, her boys were a lot of work. She had just gotten out of a meeting with the social workers at the shelter. A check in meeting, nothing out of the ordinary, a weekly thing. She didn’t answer her phone during meetings though, it was disrespectful

From President Washington:  
Eliza, I’m sorry to inform you that John has been shot. I don’t know if anyone has told you, but you need to get to Columbia Hospital as soon as possible.  
I’m sorry Eliza. Get here.  
Now.

She heard a noise that sounded like shattering. Her phone, it must have been. And then a scream. Someone rushed to her, but she didn’t know why. She wasn’t doing anything. It took her until her vocal chords burned with exhaustion that she realized that the blood curdling scream was coming from her. Hercules must have picked up her phone and read it, because she was pushed into a cab by Herc's strong hands. She cried into his shoulder. Big, loud, messy sobs. I’m sorry, she said, I’m sorry.

When she arrived at the hospital, words flew from her mouth like caged birds that had been tied in her throat. She made deal with every deity she could think of. Let John be okay and I will give you everything. Her voice was choked, but she was using it. She spit words of anger into the universe.

She was greeted by Alexander, quiet, weeping silent tears and responding to nothing. She saw him and her words stopped, transforming back to angry sobs. She gathered him in her arms and pulled him to the floor of the hospital waiting room. 

Loud where she was once reserved.  
Silent where he was once nonstop.

She fell into his lap and he held her, still quiet while she whispered verses upon verses into his ear. 

“He has to be okay. He’ll be okay. He is so strong and healthy. He was fine this morning. I know he’ll be okay. He has to be, Alex. He has to be,” she whispered, her voice urgent and filled with bitter tears. 

Their other friends arrived, President Washington stayed, quietly observing but not daring to interfere. Martha came after a while, held onto Washington as he finally started to weep, his solid exterior breaking down. Lafayette came and pulled Hercules back down to Earth as they helped draft an address for the President. Peggy and Angie. But Eliza and Alexander didn’t move, not an inch, for hours. They held each other tight.

Alex heard snippets of Washington’s address, right outside the door of the hospital. John. Shot. Activist. Surgery. Critical. Praying. Hamilton. Eliza. Eliza kept whispering through the speech. Kept telling him that John had to be okay. He had to. He would be.

After hours of listening, Alex gathered the strength to respond. “I know.”

A few minutes later they dusted themselves off and stood, eyes still watery and bloodshot. Their friends looked at them in stunned silence. They were weak on their legs, ⅔ of a whole. But they were trying. There was a beat, a silent roar of staring eyes and trembling hands before none other than Martha Washington pulled Eliza into a bear hug. Hercules and Lafayette grabbed onto Alexander. Angelica and Peggy wrapped around all of Eliza that wasn’t covered by Martha’s small frame. 

For the first time in hours, Alex and Eliza took a breath.

When the group hug ended, they held onto each others hands and talked to police, hospital staff, their friends, but never left each others side. 

“Alex?” Washington asked when he caught the pair in an open moment, his voice smaller than one would expect the President’s voice to be, “You should probably give a statement. For the press.” Washington swallowed, looking at Alex with big pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t think I can right now,” he responded, voice cracking. He realized it was the first time he had ever said no to talking. 

“I’ll do it.” Eliza piped up, her voice taking on the quality it did when she was being strong for other people. Alex squeezed her hand, thankful.

“Do you know what you want to say?” Washington asked warily.

Eliza looked him dead in the eyes, her intensity second to none. A look that made even Presidents intimidated. “Yes.” 

Washington nodded, and she and Alexander walked out the door hand in hand. The reporters swarmed around them, a slurry of questions flung their way. Alex tightened his grip on her hand. Eliza cleared her throat and braced herself. The crowd went quiet.

“Hello everyone. As you all know, our long time partner John Laurens” Eliza choked back tears, “was shot this afternoon. He remains in critical condition. Alexander and I are doing our best to stay strong in the face of this, but any family that has experienced the effect that gun violence can have on your lives knows that it is not easy.” She paused to wipe a tear from her eye, and looked to Alex, who nodded her on.

“We ask that you keep us in your hearts for the coming days, but more importantly, we ask that you help us take action on the problems of gun control that made this possible. This is not just about our family. It is about the families of the thousands taken each year by gun violence. We need not only your thoughts, but also your action. Stay hopeful, for John and for our nation. We'll give you information when we have it. Thank you all. ”

She pulled Alexander behind her and ducked through the crowds back into the hospital. Alex smiled sadly and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, mouthing a silent thank you.

“It’s what John would have said,” she whispered, placing her forehead on his.

“Mr. Hamilton? Mrs. Schuyler? He’s out of surgery.” A nurse tapped Alex on the shoulder from behind. He whipped around, stunned. A river of questions flowed through his mind, but he couldn't quite make the sounds.

“Is he okay? Will he be okay?” Eliza nearly screamed, the anger edging back into her voice.

“Well, we think his condition is stable.” Eliza let out a sigh of relief, Alex broke back into tears “They shot him very close to his heart. An inch to the left would have been immediately fatal. His sternum is fractured, but we removed the bullet and the bone fragments, so he should be fine. Nothing important was punctured. He is a very lucky man.” The nurse smiled at them, and Eliza managed to smile back.

The nurse led them back to a room, but left their friends behind. Washington had to leave, President business to attend to. Everyone else was dozing in the waiting room. 

“He won’t wake up for a while,” she said, “but you can see him. Feel free to stay the night.” Another smile that Eliza tried her best to reciprocate.

Eliza and Alexander had the same thought upon walking into the room. John. 

His chest was covered in bandages, his arm full of tubes, a face mask pumping oxygen into his weakly pumping lungs, the incessant sound of a heart monitor interrupting their every thought. John. Oh, John, please be okay. 

Alexander and Eliza careful perched themselves on the chairs to either side of him, as if sitting on the chairs would cause him pain. They held his hands. And they prayed. John. Please.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! 2 things.  
> 1) 2 chapters in 1 day??? I'm an angst machine today y'all!  
> 2) This is more of the same hospital angst. If that doesn't interest you, this fic is not for you. There is also a blood mention in there, and if that freaks you out, it's super easy to remove so message me and I can do that. AS always, stay safe!

The pain in his chest was enormous. He didn’t feel like breathing but his chest pumped anyway. He didn’t feel like living but his heart beat anyway. His eyes drifted open, but everything was out of focus. Everything was out of focus.

“John?” A voice asked, timid, “John. Oh, John.” the voice was quiet and constant, but he couldn’t turn his head, couldn’t pinpoint the source. The mostly quiet room became loud after that, and he drifted back into nothing.

He mumbled in his sleep. He talked about James. He talked about Henry and Martha and his mother. Eliza listened and spoke. She told him about the kids at the shelter, about silly things Alex did when he wasn’t around, she whispered I love you more times than she could count.

A deep breath and pain. He blinked his eyes open to find the world more clear. More like the world he had known before. He blinked. 

“John?” A voice, Eliza, asked. “Are you here?” Funny question he thought. But laughing sounded hard. He didn’t think he had it in him.

“Liza,” he mumbled, head lolling to the side to get a better look at her. She was frowning, makeup smeared with tears. He got worried. “Bets. Are you okay?” he asked. His words ran together and were punctuated with a wince at the pain emanating from his chest.

Eliza laughed at that. He didn’t know quite why. “I’m fine. John. I was worried. We were worried about you.” She gestured at the other side of the bed and John undertook the momentous effort of turning his head. It felt like concrete was sloshing back and forth in his skull, preventing anything from getting done. Although, he felt his toil had been worth it to see Alexander curled up in the chair next to his bed.

“Alex!” he said, an excitement gracing his voice that elicited another watery giggle from Betsey. Alex startled from his sleep to see John awake. 

“John. Babe.” Alex said, placing a gentle hand on John’s cheek. Alex’s eyes clouded with tears and he found himself speechless once again. People rushed into the room again, and Eliza and Alex were helpless to do anything but watch. John cried out when they changed his bandages. Eliza ran to Alexander and nestled into his lap. Snuggled into his shoulder and tried to drown out John’s whimpers.

And finally, Eliza was quiet.  
And Alexander knew what to say.

“It’s okay Betsey. My angel, he’s okay. He’s okay, I promise. My angel, he’s okay.” Alex breathed into her shoulder. He held onto her, wrapping his arms around her waist. By the time most of the doctors had left, John was too tired to talk, but still squeezed Alex’s hand.

The next morning, John woke up to pain, and to the sight of Eliza sleeping on the floor and Alexander asleep with his head placed on the railing of the bed. John hummed happily and, for a moment, forgot about the searing pain in his chest.

Alexander stirred at the sound, “John. How are you? I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m so glad.” He picked up John’s hand and placed a light kiss there.

“I mean, I’m not great. This shit hurts.” John rasped, “I’m sorry that this happened.” He looked at Alex with sad eyes. Alex carefully smiled and stroked John’s hair. 

“It’s not your fault, babe. We’re just happy that you’re okay. John. When we thought you might die... Liza and I, we just broke. You’re so important John. None of this is your fault.” Alex said, his voice barely cracking. “Speaking of Eliza,” he nudged Liza with his foot. She stretched and groaned at the stiffness in her back. As soon as she came to her senses, she tensed.

“Where’s John?” she said, before even looking up.

“Here!” John croaked. Eliza popped up from the ground, her face pure relief for a moment before transforming into worry. The corners of her mouth twitched into a smile for a moment. Like her smiles to the nurses the previous night, as hard as she tried she couldn’t make her happiness look real.

“Hey.” Eliza said, unaware of what else she could say. Looking into her eyes, red and puffy from crying, John teared up.

“I’m sorry Bets. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I did this to you. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. You too Alex. I’m sorry.” John said, his voice filled with anguish, although Eliza had a hard time distinguishing the pain from the sadness. Eliza bit down on her lip. Felt the pain as her skin cracked and she drew blood. Hoped she would never feel pain like John was.

“No. John. It’s not you. It’s the asshole who shot you.” Eliza spat, chewing on her now bloody lip. “I’ll kill him John. I will.” The fire in her eyes didn’t give any hint that she was lying, but John laughed through the tears building in his eyes, and then immediately stopped when his chest burst into pain. He hit his painkiller button with a vengeance.

“Feel free.” John retorted, clenching his teeth through the pain. As soon as the painkillers hit his system, he slipped back into being unconscious. He smiled as he fell asleep, gazing at Eliza and Alex. Once he was well and truly asleep, Eliza let out a sigh.

She sat down onto the floor and leaned back against Alex’s legs. “Why did he think it was his fault? Did I say something wrong?” Alex leaned down and rubbed the tension out of her shoulders.

“No Betsey. I’m sure it’s just the loopy drugs. He’ll be fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Eliza didn’t exactly believe him, but leaned into his touch. She mewled quietly, closing her eyes and biting further at her lip.

“He’s so hurt, Alexander. He’s hurt and I can’t do anything. I just want him to be okay. What did I do wrong?” Eliza said. 

“Shhh. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re doing what you can. He’ll get better.” He transitioned from rubbing her shoulders to running his fingers through her now tangled hair. “Do you want to go home my angel? Take a shower, take a nap. I can call Pegs, or Angie. I’m sure they would pick you up.”

“I don’t want to leave him,” she replied, reaching up for his hand. He took it and ran his thumb across her knuckles. 

“He’ll be okay Eliza.” Alex reminded her lightly. He glanced at John sleeping in the bed next to them. 

“What if he’s not.” It was a statement, not a question, “We left him for, what, 3 hours? And this happened. I can’t leave him. I can’t even cry anymore,” she said, her voice breaking. She let out a dry laugh as she went to brush a tear away and nothing happened. 

“It’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. It’s not your fault, Eliza. You went to work. There was no preventing this Liza, now we have to heal. We’ll never understand why this happened, but we can heal and forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive the shooter. We can do it, but you have to forgive yourself first Bets.” He looked down at her and squeezed her hand.

“I’m worried. I’m sorry,” she said feebly. Quietly. Whenever she was awash with emotion, she reverted back to being reserved, quiet. She couldn’t help it. Alex was the boisterous one, John was the strong one, Eliza was helpless. She didn’t like it, but that was how it was. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for my love. You can stay here if you want. We can be strong for him.” Alex said. Eliza nodded.

His strength to calm.  
Her softness to courage. 

They could be strong for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exciting announcement- I think this might become a series, so stay tuned for that. I need some fluff to counterbalance this mess, so that will probably be soon. I love me some Elams :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that, or maybe hate me now, I don't know. This was going to be sadder, but I am not evil :) Feel free to leave a comment if you liked it, or if you didn't (I wrote this in an hour, I will not be offended)


End file.
